Ashley and I are friends with a couple that is similar to us. They come from different countries and different continents. They are already married. I'll call them Jose and Kate.
Ashley and Kate were recently talking about their "libido problems." Ashley told
me about their conversation. Apparently, Jose and Kate's situation is
far worse than the one I was/am in.
Kate went to South America for two years to study. While there she met Jose. They fell in love and got married. Then they decided to move back here, where Kate was from. So Jose is out of his element. He's from a poor south American country. Back in his home town, he had tons of friends, had a job, had his family, etc. In that context, he had lots of things going for him. Social proof, relative status, preselection (so I hear, he had lots of girlfriends in his hometown), etc. And since in that context Kate was the outsider, who didn't know people, didn't know the town, etc, Jose had relatively higher status than Kate. When they were in Jose's country the language is Spanish, and so he even had the linguistic advantage. She speaks Spanish, but for him it's his mother tongue.
Fast forward to the present. Jose is now living in Kate's country. He's trying to speak her language. He's trying to get along in her culture. He's got a low-status manual labor job since he had no education back home. She has to help him with his visa, she has to help him get a driver's license, she has to help him get signed up for language classes, she has to show him how things work in this country. "Mysteriously" Kate loses all sexual desire. Or so she says. Things are so bad that apparently she hasn't wanted sex in over a year. She gives poor Jose NO blowjobs, nothing. Apparently once about six months ago she just laid there and let him do his thing.
She doesn't understand why she lost all desire for her husband. But hypergamy explains it. When she was the foreigner in Jose's country, in Jose's home town, his status was high relative to hers. Now that he's in her country, in her town, his status has dropped relative to hers. She's got a master's degree and he doesn't even have the equivalent of a high school diploma. These things don't matter when you're living in a poor south American country, but move to Europe and suddenly education becomes an important indicator of status. In South America she married a cool stud but now in Europe she's married to an immigrant laborer.
Jose is a good guy and I feel really bad for him. I don't know how their situation could be helped. He's got a job, and he's not making terrible money, but there's not a ton he could do to address this difference in status issue. I've spent a lot of time around them (although not too terribly much since I've taken the red pill) and she is consistently condescending and disrespectful to him. He usually snaps back at her but his reactions are evidently not enough. He is clearly frustrated. He obviously doesn't know what to do. He deals with it by drinking. Every few months things kind of explode where he gets really drunk, they have a big fight, she insists he quits drinking, he complies for a while, then repeat. Before taking the red pill I thought he was irresponsible and likely an alcoholic. I was on Kate's side. But now I view the situation totally differently. Like me, he left his old life behind to move to Europe with his lady. He left his family and his friends, and he has been rewarded by a dried up vagina and bitchiness and disrespect. I don't know how to help him because he's never confided any of their problems to me. I know about all this because Kate tells Ashley who then tells me. And of course no one but me understands the whys behind what has happened.
Part of me thinks Jose should go back home. If Kate wants to go with him, fine. That alone would probably relight her desire for him. He'd become the master again and she'd be the follower. If she wouldn't want to follow him, he should divorce her and go back anyway. I don't see other solutions. I can't even really try to give him advice, since he's never told me anything is even wrong. Sometimes I've tried to ask him, "How's things going, how're things with Kate," etc. But he always just says everything is fine.
I discussed the issue of cheating in this post, and while I'm generally against it, I think if I found out tomorrow that Jose had a girlfriend on the side I would feel that was totally justified. His wife is constantly rude to him, she has let herself balloon up in weight, she never (really truly never) wants sex, and doesn't even respect his needs enough to give him any handjobs or blowjobs to make his life any better. Now, cheating wouldn't fix any of his real problems, so it's not a solution. Game could help, and I'll try to help him but we don't see each other much, and he has never admitted to me he has a problem.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Everyone Complicit in Alpha's Cheating Ways
This is part two on me reporting on observations made during a weekend spent with another couple and a female friend also in a LTR.
To recap, there was me and Ashley, Frank and Mary, and finally Rita and Adam (although he only made a short appearance, I did learn about their relationship from stories Rita told). They all share a mutual friend I'll call "Peter." I actually met Peter at a party about a year and a half ago. But other than that I don't really know him. At this party I remember meeting his girlfriend. I remember them both primarily because his girlfriend was so damn pretty. I also remember hearing from Ashley that very night that he apparently cheats on this very pretty girl.
When Peter came up in conversation this weekend, the topic was once again on his cheating ways. Apparently Peter has three girlfriends at the moment. Plus whoever else he manages to seduce. So he's a highly successful seducer. A year and a half ago I would have just wrote him off as a jerk and meany for cheating on his girlfriend and I wouldn't have thought any deeper about the situation. Now thanks to game I've got a whole set of ideas and terminology to help me understand this situation.
The guy is clearly an Alpha. Since I don't know him I can't say whether he's a natural or whether he's familiar with game and pick-up artistry. Nonetheless, he has acquired a reputation for being a lady-killer. What I find the most remarkable is how complicit everyone is. Everyone agrees that his "primary" girlfriend is "super nice," and "so sweet." And I can say from having met her she's a real beauty. Yet no one feels moved to tell her that Peter cheats on her regularly. Certainly not Peter's male friends. But not even the females that know both of them. It's apparently never crossed Mary or Rita's minds to let this super nice girl in on the fact that Peter goes balls-deep in any snatch that comes along.
As a former romantic, soul-mate, true-love, fantasy-world inhabiting beta, I still find this shocking. I used to view cheating as one of the most terrible things someone could do. But, as it turns out the real world is full of people (read: animals) that fuck who they fancy when they can get away with it. I never used to understand how people could cheat and get away with it. The logistics of it seemed impossible. When I was living in fantasy land, I figured that if ANYONE found out you were cheating they would immediately tell your boyfriend/girlfriend. I thought that no one would cheat with you if they knew you had a girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/husband. But people do knowingly date people already in relationships. I was shocked to learn that Rita, one of my fiance's best friends has slept with two married men. She mentioned this casually, barely acknowledging that it might have been wrong to do so.
And now that I think about it, I cannot recall a single time in my life when someone was told by a friend or acquaintance about their boyfriend or girlfriend's cheating. I've known of cheating multiple times, but I myself didn't report it to the "victim," nor did anyone else. When people find out they're being cheated on they find out on their own. Everyone is complicit in cheating. Now, I'm sure there are cases when someone tells the party being cheated on. If I found out my brother was being cheated on I would tell him. If I found out my best friend was being cheated on, I'd tell him. But outside of these cases, it seems like everyone is more likely to let it happen.
People find lots of reasons to do nothing. Frank, Mary, and Rita explained Peter's cheating as being "stronger than he is." They say he "just can't help himself." It seems we're wired to accept and rationalize that alphas are "above the law" of fidelity. Another thing they said in regards to Peter is that his girlfriend "must suspect something at this point." So they even shift the blame to her, telling themselves that she either knows and accepts it or it's her fault for being too naive.
A part of the reason why everyone tends to be complicit in cheating is the fact that the person capable and guilty of cheating is usually going to be someone with high charisma. People like them so they don't want to mess up their lives. A guy that can do it is obviously going to be a high quality man. A woman not necessarily so, since spreading your legs is no accomplishment, whereas being a successful male seducer requires a lot of work. As I think about it, I've known about more men cheating than women cheating, too. When men cheat, I think we're more likely to boast about the accomplishment to our friends, and so it becomes known (everyone knows Peter's reputation). Since a woman cheating is no accomplishment, they will tend to keep it more secret. Do women tell their friends when they cheat? I would suspect that they would be far less likely to do so.
Now I'm not trying to moralize and say that Peter is terrible, or that anyone else is terrible for not telling on him. Just expressing surprise. Everyone, if asked, says cheating is a terrible thing yet many do it or sleep with someone they know is in a relationship or act indifferently when someone they know is doing it. Girls take guys back after finding out they cheated and guys do the same. Plus everything on TV seems to normalize cheating, from Desperate Housewives to Mad Men. Is it human nature or just a sign of the times?
If I were to moralize I think a man cheating is a lesser evil than a woman cheating. Female hypergamy means that if a woman is cheating on you, it's because she thinks the man she is cheating with is better than you. Her biology is telling her to get his genes and then use you for material and emotional support. That's also why it stings so badly when you're turned down for sex when you're already in a relationship. It's like her genes have changed their minds, and have gone into standby mode, waiting for a better sperm donor to come along. She's still bonded to you and wants you as a provider, but her biology is no longer convinced that you've got the genes it wants. Otherwise, she'd still be wet and tingly.
When a man cheats, there is no inherent judgment, no inherent comparison between his girlfriend/wife and his mistress. It's a straightforward statement that the girl he's seeking appears fertile. That's all. It's just variety for variety's sake. A man can love a woman but still desire sex with others. Men seek variety whereas women seek to upgrade. Variety makes perfect evolutionary sense for men, whereas for women it makes no sense to fuck 100 guys, it just makes sense to fuck the best guy she can as much as she can. I think these considerations explain why everyone is so nonchalant about Peter's womanizing. It could even be that the longer he stays with his girlfriend, the less offensive his flings become in people's eyes, because he's shown that they are no threat to his commitment to the girlfriend.
We were playing a game where there are cards and you ask each other personal/sexual questions. One of the questions on the cards was "Which is worse, an emotional or physical affair." The girls all agreed that an emotional affair is worse. They fear being abandoned and losing that material support, but if you go dump your semen in someone else and then come back to them, they're not really worse off, now are they? You can't say this when the situation is reversed though due to the risk of cuckolding.
It almost seems like in the case of Peter, both him and his girlfriend are viewed positively. He's seen as a lovable rascal that can't control his impulses, and she's a lovely lady, just so nice, poor thing. I think if the situation were reversed, both parties would be viewed in a negative light. The cheating girl would be considered a slut, and the guy would be considered a pathetic putz. My friends sympathize with Peter's girlfriend, but people have surprisingly little sympathy for chumps. A cheating girl would be considered slutty, but hard to blame her since her boyfriend is a chump, people would say.
To recap, there was me and Ashley, Frank and Mary, and finally Rita and Adam (although he only made a short appearance, I did learn about their relationship from stories Rita told). They all share a mutual friend I'll call "Peter." I actually met Peter at a party about a year and a half ago. But other than that I don't really know him. At this party I remember meeting his girlfriend. I remember them both primarily because his girlfriend was so damn pretty. I also remember hearing from Ashley that very night that he apparently cheats on this very pretty girl.
When Peter came up in conversation this weekend, the topic was once again on his cheating ways. Apparently Peter has three girlfriends at the moment. Plus whoever else he manages to seduce. So he's a highly successful seducer. A year and a half ago I would have just wrote him off as a jerk and meany for cheating on his girlfriend and I wouldn't have thought any deeper about the situation. Now thanks to game I've got a whole set of ideas and terminology to help me understand this situation.
The guy is clearly an Alpha. Since I don't know him I can't say whether he's a natural or whether he's familiar with game and pick-up artistry. Nonetheless, he has acquired a reputation for being a lady-killer. What I find the most remarkable is how complicit everyone is. Everyone agrees that his "primary" girlfriend is "super nice," and "so sweet." And I can say from having met her she's a real beauty. Yet no one feels moved to tell her that Peter cheats on her regularly. Certainly not Peter's male friends. But not even the females that know both of them. It's apparently never crossed Mary or Rita's minds to let this super nice girl in on the fact that Peter goes balls-deep in any snatch that comes along.
As a former romantic, soul-mate, true-love, fantasy-world inhabiting beta, I still find this shocking. I used to view cheating as one of the most terrible things someone could do. But, as it turns out the real world is full of people (read: animals) that fuck who they fancy when they can get away with it. I never used to understand how people could cheat and get away with it. The logistics of it seemed impossible. When I was living in fantasy land, I figured that if ANYONE found out you were cheating they would immediately tell your boyfriend/girlfriend. I thought that no one would cheat with you if they knew you had a girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/husband. But people do knowingly date people already in relationships. I was shocked to learn that Rita, one of my fiance's best friends has slept with two married men. She mentioned this casually, barely acknowledging that it might have been wrong to do so.
And now that I think about it, I cannot recall a single time in my life when someone was told by a friend or acquaintance about their boyfriend or girlfriend's cheating. I've known of cheating multiple times, but I myself didn't report it to the "victim," nor did anyone else. When people find out they're being cheated on they find out on their own. Everyone is complicit in cheating. Now, I'm sure there are cases when someone tells the party being cheated on. If I found out my brother was being cheated on I would tell him. If I found out my best friend was being cheated on, I'd tell him. But outside of these cases, it seems like everyone is more likely to let it happen.
People find lots of reasons to do nothing. Frank, Mary, and Rita explained Peter's cheating as being "stronger than he is." They say he "just can't help himself." It seems we're wired to accept and rationalize that alphas are "above the law" of fidelity. Another thing they said in regards to Peter is that his girlfriend "must suspect something at this point." So they even shift the blame to her, telling themselves that she either knows and accepts it or it's her fault for being too naive.
A part of the reason why everyone tends to be complicit in cheating is the fact that the person capable and guilty of cheating is usually going to be someone with high charisma. People like them so they don't want to mess up their lives. A guy that can do it is obviously going to be a high quality man. A woman not necessarily so, since spreading your legs is no accomplishment, whereas being a successful male seducer requires a lot of work. As I think about it, I've known about more men cheating than women cheating, too. When men cheat, I think we're more likely to boast about the accomplishment to our friends, and so it becomes known (everyone knows Peter's reputation). Since a woman cheating is no accomplishment, they will tend to keep it more secret. Do women tell their friends when they cheat? I would suspect that they would be far less likely to do so.
Now I'm not trying to moralize and say that Peter is terrible, or that anyone else is terrible for not telling on him. Just expressing surprise. Everyone, if asked, says cheating is a terrible thing yet many do it or sleep with someone they know is in a relationship or act indifferently when someone they know is doing it. Girls take guys back after finding out they cheated and guys do the same. Plus everything on TV seems to normalize cheating, from Desperate Housewives to Mad Men. Is it human nature or just a sign of the times?
If I were to moralize I think a man cheating is a lesser evil than a woman cheating. Female hypergamy means that if a woman is cheating on you, it's because she thinks the man she is cheating with is better than you. Her biology is telling her to get his genes and then use you for material and emotional support. That's also why it stings so badly when you're turned down for sex when you're already in a relationship. It's like her genes have changed their minds, and have gone into standby mode, waiting for a better sperm donor to come along. She's still bonded to you and wants you as a provider, but her biology is no longer convinced that you've got the genes it wants. Otherwise, she'd still be wet and tingly.
When a man cheats, there is no inherent judgment, no inherent comparison between his girlfriend/wife and his mistress. It's a straightforward statement that the girl he's seeking appears fertile. That's all. It's just variety for variety's sake. A man can love a woman but still desire sex with others. Men seek variety whereas women seek to upgrade. Variety makes perfect evolutionary sense for men, whereas for women it makes no sense to fuck 100 guys, it just makes sense to fuck the best guy she can as much as she can. I think these considerations explain why everyone is so nonchalant about Peter's womanizing. It could even be that the longer he stays with his girlfriend, the less offensive his flings become in people's eyes, because he's shown that they are no threat to his commitment to the girlfriend.
We were playing a game where there are cards and you ask each other personal/sexual questions. One of the questions on the cards was "Which is worse, an emotional or physical affair." The girls all agreed that an emotional affair is worse. They fear being abandoned and losing that material support, but if you go dump your semen in someone else and then come back to them, they're not really worse off, now are they? You can't say this when the situation is reversed though due to the risk of cuckolding.
It almost seems like in the case of Peter, both him and his girlfriend are viewed positively. He's seen as a lovable rascal that can't control his impulses, and she's a lovely lady, just so nice, poor thing. I think if the situation were reversed, both parties would be viewed in a negative light. The cheating girl would be considered a slut, and the guy would be considered a pathetic putz. My friends sympathize with Peter's girlfriend, but people have surprisingly little sympathy for chumps. A cheating girl would be considered slutty, but hard to blame her since her boyfriend is a chump, people would say.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Be Scary
Just spent a weekend with some of my fiance's friends. We were three long-term cohabiting couples, me and Ashley, "Mary" and "Frank," and finally "Rita" and "Adam." Inevitably the conversation turned to sex multiple times. This weekend has provided me with material for at least two posts. Here's what I can report for the first post.
My fiance Ashley and Mary both were honest about sometimes lacking desire, and joked about having to turn me and Frank away at times when we wanted sex. Rita, on the other hand, said that it was more often Adam that turned HER away for sex. She said she still frequently wanted sex.
Here's what I observed during the weekend. Frank, who gets turned away for sex, seems a bit beta, but not too bad. He's not as bad as I used to be, but he's worse than I am now since having been reformed thanks to game and the manosphere. And he clearly doesn't have any good understanding of how he should properly deal with his woman. He seems to be grasping at times, sometimes doing the right thing, sometimes giving in. I could easily see her wearing him down more and more over time until he would become as bad as I was. For the moment he pushes back a bit, but I saw him cede too easily, and he tolerated her snapping at him over stupid shit. A couple times she acted way out of line, and used a very disrespectful tone with him and he just looked frustrated and confused. I tried to help him out in these situations. At one point when I felt she was acting inappropriately toward him I even turned to him and said "Hey Frank, you know I'm sure there's probably lots of other pretty girls in this town." He responded by saying "Yeah I think you're probably right about that." This actually calmed Mary down a bit. But it didn't make her backtrack and take back what she was saying. My outlook is not great for Frank. Seems like her shit-testing is pretty fierce, and his lack of firm responses have already resulted in a decrease in her respect for him, as evidenced by her tone of voice on multiple occasions. I will ask Ashley how long they've been living together. Seems like he might be making the mistakes I made. Move in together and start failing the barrage of tests. I'll try to council him when I see him.
Now, the other couple is different. Rita still frequently wants sex from Adam. I couldn't observe Adam's interactions with Rita because he was absent most of the weekend, I can only report on how Rita talked about their interactions. I can say that Adam works a job where he must be physically fit. He's not very tall but he is decently muscled and I know he is sporty. In addition to this, she says when they disagree about something, she lets it be, because he scares her. She insisted on this, repeating it a couple times. She didn't mention him ever becoming physically violent, but she said she feels genuine fear when he gets really angry. She did not give any indication that this made her less interested in remaining in a relationship with him. This did not jeopardize their relationship, it just made her stay calm instead of escalating and pissing him off more.
I continue to be slightly confused about how to handle disagreements/fighting. There seems to be two camps, and maybe both work equally well. There's those who say you shouldn't ever let a woman upset you. You should stay calm, imperturbable, treat her like a child, say what you have to say once and don't let her drag you into a fight. Then there is also plentiful evidence that scaring them, yelling, and showing your anger can also have a gina-tingling effect. I suspect that the right answer is probably to be imperturbable around 95% of the time, but occasionally righteous, scary anger is called for to put her in her place.
I am hoping to spend more time with Rita and Adam in the future to observe more of their interactions.
My fiance Ashley and Mary both were honest about sometimes lacking desire, and joked about having to turn me and Frank away at times when we wanted sex. Rita, on the other hand, said that it was more often Adam that turned HER away for sex. She said she still frequently wanted sex.
Here's what I observed during the weekend. Frank, who gets turned away for sex, seems a bit beta, but not too bad. He's not as bad as I used to be, but he's worse than I am now since having been reformed thanks to game and the manosphere. And he clearly doesn't have any good understanding of how he should properly deal with his woman. He seems to be grasping at times, sometimes doing the right thing, sometimes giving in. I could easily see her wearing him down more and more over time until he would become as bad as I was. For the moment he pushes back a bit, but I saw him cede too easily, and he tolerated her snapping at him over stupid shit. A couple times she acted way out of line, and used a very disrespectful tone with him and he just looked frustrated and confused. I tried to help him out in these situations. At one point when I felt she was acting inappropriately toward him I even turned to him and said "Hey Frank, you know I'm sure there's probably lots of other pretty girls in this town." He responded by saying "Yeah I think you're probably right about that." This actually calmed Mary down a bit. But it didn't make her backtrack and take back what she was saying. My outlook is not great for Frank. Seems like her shit-testing is pretty fierce, and his lack of firm responses have already resulted in a decrease in her respect for him, as evidenced by her tone of voice on multiple occasions. I will ask Ashley how long they've been living together. Seems like he might be making the mistakes I made. Move in together and start failing the barrage of tests. I'll try to council him when I see him.
Now, the other couple is different. Rita still frequently wants sex from Adam. I couldn't observe Adam's interactions with Rita because he was absent most of the weekend, I can only report on how Rita talked about their interactions. I can say that Adam works a job where he must be physically fit. He's not very tall but he is decently muscled and I know he is sporty. In addition to this, she says when they disagree about something, she lets it be, because he scares her. She insisted on this, repeating it a couple times. She didn't mention him ever becoming physically violent, but she said she feels genuine fear when he gets really angry. She did not give any indication that this made her less interested in remaining in a relationship with him. This did not jeopardize their relationship, it just made her stay calm instead of escalating and pissing him off more.
I continue to be slightly confused about how to handle disagreements/fighting. There seems to be two camps, and maybe both work equally well. There's those who say you shouldn't ever let a woman upset you. You should stay calm, imperturbable, treat her like a child, say what you have to say once and don't let her drag you into a fight. Then there is also plentiful evidence that scaring them, yelling, and showing your anger can also have a gina-tingling effect. I suspect that the right answer is probably to be imperturbable around 95% of the time, but occasionally righteous, scary anger is called for to put her in her place.
I am hoping to spend more time with Rita and Adam in the future to observe more of their interactions.
Friday, April 13, 2012
The Feminist
I met a girl recently at school. Another friend of a friend. We started talking and within around 10 minutes of conversation she mentions being a feminist. I can't remember why she brought it up. I knew I needed to seize on this opportunity. I viewed it as a challenge.
I immediately reacted negatively to her telling me she was a feminist. It's been about two weeks since this actually occurred, so the exact words and phrases of the conversation have escaped my memory, but I immediately began making fun of her. I think I may have asked her if she was a lesbian. I made fun of her for other things too besides being a feminist. She braided her hair and tied it. I pulled the hair tie out of her hair, messing up her braid, saying something to the effect, "Here now you can braid your hair all over again, I know how much you girls like playing with your hair."
Later I acted embarrassed to be talking to her. I told her I didn't want my friends to see me talking to a feminist since "I had such a good reputation for being a sexist." She laughed at this. Then I asked her for her number, saying that we should go get a beer sometime, which would give me the opportunity to explain to her how all her feminist ideas were wrong. She gave me her number. I haven't called her yet. Things are hectic with school and stuff, so maybe when I have some more time I might do so. But even if we leave the story at that, there's something to be learned. Whatever ideas get stuck in a girl's head, her inner nature remains the same. Just as a beta who respects the shit out of women will still get a hard-on when tits are rubbed in his face, so a feminist will get wet and intrigued by a cocky DHVing dude that disrespects her. Ignore her beliefs and opinions, they should have no effect on your game.
Later I acted embarrassed to be talking to her. I told her I didn't want my friends to see me talking to a feminist since "I had such a good reputation for being a sexist." She laughed at this. Then I asked her for her number, saying that we should go get a beer sometime, which would give me the opportunity to explain to her how all her feminist ideas were wrong. She gave me her number. I haven't called her yet. Things are hectic with school and stuff, so maybe when I have some more time I might do so. But even if we leave the story at that, there's something to be learned. Whatever ideas get stuck in a girl's head, her inner nature remains the same. Just as a beta who respects the shit out of women will still get a hard-on when tits are rubbed in his face, so a feminist will get wet and intrigued by a cocky DHVing dude that disrespects her. Ignore her beliefs and opinions, they should have no effect on your game.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
The Power of Eye Contact
I had a very interesting experience recently. I was at school about to buy a coffee and I see a friend of mine. He's with several friends that I don't know. One other guy and 3 girls. I start talking to him and at one point I make eye contact with one of the girls. She's slim, dressed well, and very cute. I hold eye contact with her and she does the same. It felt like ages passed. I just held my slight smirk and looked her straight in the eye. We were probably 10 feet away from each other. Finally her face began to crack into a smile and she looked down and took a drink of her coffee, smiling. It felt exhilarating. I felt like we had a whole conversation with just our eyes. Yohami expressed it perfectly, we were "tasting" each other with our eyes. After that I returned to talking to my friend like nothing happened. I didn't even look back to her. Just finished talking to my friend and left.
I eventually cross paths with her again. Once again she's with my friend. This time I tell my friend to introduce us. She's all smiles and once again drinking greedily of my gaze. I propose that we all go get a drink together, but my friend can't go. She looked eager when I offered, but then when it turned into just being the two of us she balked. Afterall, we hadn't even talked yet, we had merely been introduced. I didn't try to insist that she come, so I don't know if she would have. I just tried to act completely indifferent to her saying no. After we talked for a few moments I said I had to go and I left.
She's been stuck in my head since this happened. Just some eye contact and some smiles, but it's powerful stuff. I know she felt it too.
I eventually cross paths with her again. Once again she's with my friend. This time I tell my friend to introduce us. She's all smiles and once again drinking greedily of my gaze. I propose that we all go get a drink together, but my friend can't go. She looked eager when I offered, but then when it turned into just being the two of us she balked. Afterall, we hadn't even talked yet, we had merely been introduced. I didn't try to insist that she come, so I don't know if she would have. I just tried to act completely indifferent to her saying no. After we talked for a few moments I said I had to go and I left.
She's been stuck in my head since this happened. Just some eye contact and some smiles, but it's powerful stuff. I know she felt it too.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Following the Commandments
I decided to take an inventory of how my behavior measured up against the 16 Commandments of Poon, both before my discovery of game, and how I'm doing right now.
I. Never say ‘I Love You’ first
Women want to feel like they have to overcome obstacles to win a man’s heart. They crave the challenge of capturing the interest of a man who has other women competing for his attention, and eventually prevailing over his grudging reluctance to award his committed exclusivity. The man who gives his emotional world away too easily robs women of the satisfaction of earning his love. Though you may be in love with her, don’t say it before she has said it. Show compassionate restraint for her need to struggle toward yin fulfillment. Inspire her to take the leap for you, and she’ll return the favor a thousandfold.
I honestly don't remember who said "I love you" first whether it was me or my fiance. These days I do typically say it only after she says it.
II. Make her jealous
Flirt with other women in front of her. Do not dissuade other women from flirting with you. Women will never admit this but jealousy excites them. The thought of you turning on another woman will arouse her sexually. No girl wants a man that no other woman wants. The partner who harnesses the gale storm of jealousy controls the direction of the relationship.
When we first got together, I was doing a great job at this. Before we were exclusive she saw me dance and kiss another girl, plus I was always hanging out with lots of female friends. When I left the country and we broke up for a while by default, I dated some other girls. I told her about it. This didn't make her fall out of love with me, but rather intensified her desire to try to get me back.
After we got back together and we moved in together, I definitely was not making her jealous anymore. I had no friends, I just hung around the apartment, and I made real efforts to reassure her that I was committed and that she was the only girl for me.
Today, I actively hang out with female friends. I text them, tease them, talk to them on facebook, etc. I go out with friends both with and without my fiance. I flirt and tease with my fiance's female friends.
III. You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority
Forget all those romantic cliches of the leading man proclaiming his undying love for the woman who completes him. Despite whatever protestations to the contrary, women do not want to be “The One” or the center of a man’s existence. They in fact want to subordinate themselves to a worthy man’s life purpose, to help him achieve that purpose with their feminine support, and to follow the path he lays out. You must respect a woman’s integrity and not lie to her that she is “your everything”. She is not your everything, and if she is, she will soon not be anymore.
Here's a big failure on my part. I altered my educational and career plans to move to my fiance's country. We discussed the two options we had, either her coming to me or me going to her. We picked me going to her. At first I was quite happy with this decision, but at times it's left me feeling lost. I had a plan, more or less, for school and my career. Then I abandoned it to be with my fiance and I've tried to find a new plan, but it hasn't always been smooth sailing. I've needed her help to make things work, which has made me in some ways her dependent. I think things would have gone very differently if she would have moved to the United States to be with me. This commandment will be the most difficult to apply in my life. I need to manage to finish school and get a job before I'll really feel sure that I even made a good decision. Once I get a job I can start to devote myself in large part to my career.
IV. Don’t play by her rules
If you allow a woman to make the rules she will resent you with a seething contempt even a rapist cannot inspire. The strongest woman and the most strident feminist wants to be led by, and to submit to, a more powerful man. Polarity is the core of a healthy loving relationship. She does not want the prerogative to walk all over you with her capricious demands and mercurial moods. Her emotions are a hurricane, her soul a saboteur. Think of yourself as a bulwark against her tempest. When she grasps for a pillar to steady herself against the whipping winds or yearns for an authority figure to foil her worst instincts, it is you who has to be there… strong, solid, unshakeable and immovable.
Another big failure. I spent a long time playing by her rules, giving in to her demands, cowering at her emotional tantrums, and not standing up for anything. I was fearful of her mood and frightened of her fits. Now I try not to react when she's throwing a fit. I call her out for ridiculous ideas and actions. I do my best to not let it upset me. This is taking some time. I used to have a very visceral and uncomfortable reaction to her getting upset.
V. Adhere to the golden ratio
Give your woman 2/3 of everything she gives you. For every three calls or texts, give her two back. Three declarations of love earn two in return. Three gifts; two nights out. Give her two displays of affection and stop until she has answered with three more. When she speaks, you reply with fewer words. When she emotes, you emote less. The idea behind the golden ratio is twofold — it establishes your greater value by making her chase you, and it demonstrates that you have the self-restraint to avoid getting swept up in her personal dramas. Refraining from reciprocating everything she does for you in equal measure instills in her the proper attitude of belief in your higher status. In her deepest loins it is what she truly wants.
Failure again. I used to go give her affection constantly until she would openly say I was being annoying and would tell me to go away. For a while I had a habit of telling her she looked pretty every day. It was like a daily ritual there for a while. I noticed it didn't help the relationship at all, nor her self image. It was entirely useless. Actually, it certainly had a negative effect on our relationship by making me look like a pathetic loser. I used to automatically cuddle up to her every night when we were going to bed. Now I don't do that stuff nearly at all. It's far more often her that comes to me for a hug, a cuddle, some kisses, etc. And I don't compliment her appearance anymore unless for specific reasons.
VI. Keep her guessing
True to their inscrutable natures, women ask questions they don’t really want direct answers to. Woe be the man who plays it straight — his fate is the suffering of the beta. Evade, tease, obfuscate. She thrives when she has to imagine what you’re thinking about her, and withers when she knows exactly how you feel. A woman may want financial and family security, but she does not want passion security. In the same manner, when she has displeased you, punish swiftly, but when she has done you right, reward slowly. Reward her good behavior intermittently and unpredictably and she will never tire of working hard to please you.
Needless to say, huge failure. I was Mr. Predictable. She engineers this too by constantly asking me what I'm doing, what I've been doing, where I've been. I've stopped feeding her unnecessary information, but I still should work on making my answers to her questions more vague. I've also stopped telling her everything I'm going to do beforehand. I make a point of trying to not be home when she gets home. I try to come home at least 15 minutes later than I say I will. I stay out until she calls or texts asking where I'm at. Sometimes I answer, sometimes not.
As for rewarding and punishing, I never punished anything. I would whine meekly. I would over-reward for every little good thing she would do.
VII. Always keep two in the kitty
Never allow yourself to be a “kept man”. A man with options is a man without need. It builds confidence and encourages boldness with women if there is another woman, a safety net, to catch you in case you slip and risk a breakup, divorce, or a lost prospect, leading to loneliness and a grinding dry spell. A woman knows once she has slept with a man she has abdicated a measure of her power; when she has fallen in love with him she has surrendered nearly all of it. But love is ephemeral and with time she may rediscover her power and threaten to leave you. It is her final trump card. Withdrawing all her love and all her body in an instant will rend your soul if you are faced with contemplating the empty abyss alone. Knowing there is another you can turn to for affection will fortify your will and satisfy your manhood.
Early on during the attraction phase when we met, I was doing this. I had 4-5 in the kitty. I had an ex-girlfriend that still wanted me that I could have gone back to if I wanted, I had other solid prospects. When Ashley and I separated for a while it didn't take long before I was dating another girl, and I told Ashley about it. When we met I was very much the man with options.
Then I committed to her, and like I had been programmed, I did everything in my power to reassure her of my loyalty. I didn't talk to other girls, I barely even had friends. Even when Ashley was not around I would behave as though she could see everything I was doing and I would avoid talking to other girls.
Now I'm sustaining and working on enlarging my social circle. I flirt everyday. Ashley knows I have female friends and I don't hide that I sit next to them in class, go to lunch with them, get drinks with them, etc.
VIII. Say you’re sorry only when absolutely necessary
Do not say you’re sorry for every wrong thing you do. It is a posture of submission that no man should reflexively adopt, no matter how alpha he is. Apologizing increases the demand for more apologies. She will come to expect your contrition, like a cat expects its meal at a set time each day. And then your value will lower in her eyes. Instead, if you have done something wrong, you should acknowledge your guilt in a glancing way without resorting to the actual words “I’m sorry.” Pull the Bill Clinton maneuver and say “Mistakes were made” or tell her you “feel bad” about what you did. You are granted two freebie “I’m sorry”s for the life of your relationship; use them wisely.
Big fail. I used to be apologizing all the time. Every disagreement and fight would end with me apologizing for some ridiculous thing or another. Fights that would begin with me being mad at HER for some reason would end with me apologizing for something completely unrelated.
Now I don't apologize. Since learning game, I'm pretty sure I've not apologized for anything. She's tried to get me to apologize for things but I haven't. Unless I really fuck up, I'm never saying sorry.
IX. Connect with her emotions
Set yourself apart from other men and connect with a woman’s emotional landscape. Her mind is an alien world that requires deft navigation to reach your rendevous. Frolic in the surf of emotions rather than the arid desert of logic. Be playful. Employ all your senses. Describe in lush detail scenarios to set her heart afire. Give your feelings freedom to roam. ROAM. Yes, that is a good word. You’re not on a linear path with her. You are ROAMING all over, taking her on an adventure. In this world, there is no need to finish thoughts or draw conclusions. There is only need to EXPERIENCE. You’re grabbing her hand and running with her down an infinite, labyrinthine alleyway with no end, laughing and letting your fingers glide on the cobblestone walls along the way.
This is hard for me because most of the time I feel like Spock being forced to live among the humans. I am not a very emotional guy. I like short statements of fact. When I hear people talk about how they feel my brain turns off.
X. Ignore her beauty
The man who trains his mind to subdue the reward centers of his brain when reflecting upon a beautiful female face will magically transform his interactions with women. His apprehension and self-consciousness will melt away, paving the path for more honest and self-possessed interactions with the objects of his desire. This is one reason why the greatest lotharios drown in more love than they can handle — through positive experiences with so many beautiful women they lose their awe of beauty and, in turn, their powerlessness under its spell. It will help you acquire the right frame of mind to stop using the words hot, cute, gorgeous, or beautiful to describe girls who turn you on. Instead, say to yourself “she’s interesting” or “she might be worth getting to know”. Never compliment a girl on her looks, especially not a girl you aren’t fucking. Turn off that part of your brain that wants to put them on pedestals. Further advanced training to reach this state of unawed Zen transcendence is to sleep with many MANY attractive women (try to avoid sleeping with a lot of ugly women if you don’t want to regress). Soon, a Jedi lover you will be.
As mentioned above, I used to shower her with compliments about her looks. This did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to make her feel better about herself. My fiance is a good looking chick. When she dresses nice and makes herself up, she's very hot. But she constantly criticizes herself. No amount of compliments makes her feel better. Just makes me sound like an orbiter. Now I know the best way to compliment her is to try to look my personal best. She's unconsciously judging herself based on me. The hotter I am, the hotter she'll assume herself to be based on the fact that she's landed me. I don't give her any compliments about her appearance anymore. My cock getting hard is all the compliment she needs.
XI. Be irrationally self-confident
No matter what your station in life, stride through the world without apology or excuse. It does not matter if objectively you are not the best man a woman can get; what matters is that you think and act like you are. Women have a dog’s instinct for uncovering weakness in men; don’t make it easy for them. Self-confidence, warranted or not, triggers submissive emotional responses in women. Irrational self-confidence will get you more pussy than rational defeatism.
Once again I think I came off very confident when we met and when we first got together. Then after we moved in together I stupidly believe that I could tell her everything and that we were each others' confidants. I don't have specific memories of telling her about not feeling confident but I'm sure I probably shared all my fears and insecurities with her.
I don't vocally worry about the future to her anymore. I always act reassuring like I know everything will be just fine. I show no fear.
Now I try to act confident and sure of myself. And just as has been said, a couple days/weeks of acting confident will make you confident. It started as a pantomime, but today when I walk down the street I feel like a million bucks. I feel like I could punch a hole in this city with my bare fist, and then fuck that hole if I wanted.
XII. Maximize your strengths, minimize your weaknesses
In the betterment of ourselves as men we attract women into our orbit. To accomplish this gravitational pull as painlessly and efficiently as possible, you must identify your natural talents and shortcomings and parcel your efforts accordingly. If you are a gifted jokester, don’t waste time and energy trying to raise your status in philosophical debate. If you write well but dance poorly, don’t kill yourself trying to expand your manly influence on the dancefloor. Your goal should be to attract women effortlessly, so play to your strengths no matter what they are; there is a groupie for every male endeavor. Except World of Warcraft.
I'm definitely doing this in terms of my appearance. Everyone has always told me I've got great blue eyes. I used to cover them up by wearing glasses, but now every time I leave the house I am wearing my contacts. I'm lifting weights again to put some muscles on my slim frame. I used to be loved for being a funny guy but I feel like the time I spent being subservient to her I lost my ability to be funny around her. I'm working on teasing and making fun of her, and being funny in general around her. Recently I had a female classmate over at the apartment to work on a project together, and at one point I had both her and Ashley both bent over holding their sides laughing. SR boost.
XIII. Err on the side of too much boldness, rather than too little
Touching a woman inappropriately on the first date will get you further with her than not touching her at all. Don’t let a woman’s faux indignation at your boldness sway you; they secretly love it when a man aggressively pursues what he wants and makes his sexual intentions known. You don’t have to be an asshole, but if you have no choice, being an inconsiderate asshole beats being a polite beta, every time.
Even during the early attraction phase I can't really say that I was ever bold. Even then I didn't understand game, I was just very accidentally doing a few things right and it worked wonders. Now I'm taking daily steps at being bold and trying to eliminate hesitation. Instead of timidly asking for sex I initiate. If she says she's not in the mood I do my best to be unphased and I do something else.
XIV. Fuck her good
Fuck her like it’s your last fuck. And hers. Fuck her so good, so hard, so wantonly, so profligately that she is left a quivering, sparking mass of shaking flesh and sex fluids. Drain her of everything, then drain her some more. Kiss her all over, make love to her all night, and hold her close in the morning. Own her body, own her gratitude, own her love. If you don’t know how, learn to give her squirting orgasms.
This is hard to say. At first, we had a LOT of sex, and by both our accounts it was good. But I never tried doing anything rough. In fact, somehow, somewhere along the way I remember hearing about slow fucking. Like going really slow. It was supposed to be "intimate" and "sensual" and stuff and girls were supposed to like. I tried it several times much to my own and my fiance's boredom. I never got the hint that the opposite might be the way to go. So I've always fucked at a medium pace, always cautious not to hurt her. I never did any hair pulling, choking, etc. I did do some very light spanking in some positions, but I never explored really going at it. Now I'm upping the ante, and going a little rougher each time.
XV. Maintain your state control
You are an oak tree. You will not be manipulated by crying, yelling, lying, head games, sexual withdrawal, jealousy ploys, pity plays, shit tests, hot/cold/hot/cold, disappearing acts, or guilt trips. She will rain and thunder all around you and you will shelter her until her storm passes. She will not drag you into her chaos or uproot you. When you have mastery over yourself, you will have mastery over her.
She was the puppetmaster and could make me mad, sad, frustrated, confused, scared, apologetic, etc with the mildest tantrum. Now my MO is to always try to remain unphased. Not easy at all, but I'm doing my best, and it's getting easier with time.
XVI. Never be afraid to lose her
You must not fear. Fear is the love-killer. Fear is the ego-triumph that brings abject loneliness. You will face your fear. You will permit it to pass over and through you. And when your ego-fear is gone you will turn and face your lover, and only your heart will remain. You will walk away from her when she has violated your integrity, and you will let her walk when her heart is closed to you. She who can destroy you, controls you. Don’t give her that power over yourself. Love yourself before you love her.
Failed at this one. Basically after I proposed and we moved in together, I was in "do everything possible to keep her happy and make the relationship work at all cost" mode. it's a terrible mode to be in. Now I'm in "improve myself and be a more interesting/awesome/confident/in-shape/carefree guy" mode. I'm in self improvement mode. She's the one that will need to be worrying about not losing me. I've committed to her, but I want to become so attractive that she's got real fear. I want to make myself so good that I know losing her won't be the end of the world. I want to make myself so good that she starts chasing me. I will make myself fearless.
I. Never say ‘I Love You’ first
Women want to feel like they have to overcome obstacles to win a man’s heart. They crave the challenge of capturing the interest of a man who has other women competing for his attention, and eventually prevailing over his grudging reluctance to award his committed exclusivity. The man who gives his emotional world away too easily robs women of the satisfaction of earning his love. Though you may be in love with her, don’t say it before she has said it. Show compassionate restraint for her need to struggle toward yin fulfillment. Inspire her to take the leap for you, and she’ll return the favor a thousandfold.
I honestly don't remember who said "I love you" first whether it was me or my fiance. These days I do typically say it only after she says it.
II. Make her jealous
Flirt with other women in front of her. Do not dissuade other women from flirting with you. Women will never admit this but jealousy excites them. The thought of you turning on another woman will arouse her sexually. No girl wants a man that no other woman wants. The partner who harnesses the gale storm of jealousy controls the direction of the relationship.
When we first got together, I was doing a great job at this. Before we were exclusive she saw me dance and kiss another girl, plus I was always hanging out with lots of female friends. When I left the country and we broke up for a while by default, I dated some other girls. I told her about it. This didn't make her fall out of love with me, but rather intensified her desire to try to get me back.
After we got back together and we moved in together, I definitely was not making her jealous anymore. I had no friends, I just hung around the apartment, and I made real efforts to reassure her that I was committed and that she was the only girl for me.
Today, I actively hang out with female friends. I text them, tease them, talk to them on facebook, etc. I go out with friends both with and without my fiance. I flirt and tease with my fiance's female friends.
III. You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority
Forget all those romantic cliches of the leading man proclaiming his undying love for the woman who completes him. Despite whatever protestations to the contrary, women do not want to be “The One” or the center of a man’s existence. They in fact want to subordinate themselves to a worthy man’s life purpose, to help him achieve that purpose with their feminine support, and to follow the path he lays out. You must respect a woman’s integrity and not lie to her that she is “your everything”. She is not your everything, and if she is, she will soon not be anymore.
Here's a big failure on my part. I altered my educational and career plans to move to my fiance's country. We discussed the two options we had, either her coming to me or me going to her. We picked me going to her. At first I was quite happy with this decision, but at times it's left me feeling lost. I had a plan, more or less, for school and my career. Then I abandoned it to be with my fiance and I've tried to find a new plan, but it hasn't always been smooth sailing. I've needed her help to make things work, which has made me in some ways her dependent. I think things would have gone very differently if she would have moved to the United States to be with me. This commandment will be the most difficult to apply in my life. I need to manage to finish school and get a job before I'll really feel sure that I even made a good decision. Once I get a job I can start to devote myself in large part to my career.
IV. Don’t play by her rules
If you allow a woman to make the rules she will resent you with a seething contempt even a rapist cannot inspire. The strongest woman and the most strident feminist wants to be led by, and to submit to, a more powerful man. Polarity is the core of a healthy loving relationship. She does not want the prerogative to walk all over you with her capricious demands and mercurial moods. Her emotions are a hurricane, her soul a saboteur. Think of yourself as a bulwark against her tempest. When she grasps for a pillar to steady herself against the whipping winds or yearns for an authority figure to foil her worst instincts, it is you who has to be there… strong, solid, unshakeable and immovable.
Another big failure. I spent a long time playing by her rules, giving in to her demands, cowering at her emotional tantrums, and not standing up for anything. I was fearful of her mood and frightened of her fits. Now I try not to react when she's throwing a fit. I call her out for ridiculous ideas and actions. I do my best to not let it upset me. This is taking some time. I used to have a very visceral and uncomfortable reaction to her getting upset.
V. Adhere to the golden ratio
Give your woman 2/3 of everything she gives you. For every three calls or texts, give her two back. Three declarations of love earn two in return. Three gifts; two nights out. Give her two displays of affection and stop until she has answered with three more. When she speaks, you reply with fewer words. When she emotes, you emote less. The idea behind the golden ratio is twofold — it establishes your greater value by making her chase you, and it demonstrates that you have the self-restraint to avoid getting swept up in her personal dramas. Refraining from reciprocating everything she does for you in equal measure instills in her the proper attitude of belief in your higher status. In her deepest loins it is what she truly wants.
Failure again. I used to go give her affection constantly until she would openly say I was being annoying and would tell me to go away. For a while I had a habit of telling her she looked pretty every day. It was like a daily ritual there for a while. I noticed it didn't help the relationship at all, nor her self image. It was entirely useless. Actually, it certainly had a negative effect on our relationship by making me look like a pathetic loser. I used to automatically cuddle up to her every night when we were going to bed. Now I don't do that stuff nearly at all. It's far more often her that comes to me for a hug, a cuddle, some kisses, etc. And I don't compliment her appearance anymore unless for specific reasons.
VI. Keep her guessing
True to their inscrutable natures, women ask questions they don’t really want direct answers to. Woe be the man who plays it straight — his fate is the suffering of the beta. Evade, tease, obfuscate. She thrives when she has to imagine what you’re thinking about her, and withers when she knows exactly how you feel. A woman may want financial and family security, but she does not want passion security. In the same manner, when she has displeased you, punish swiftly, but when she has done you right, reward slowly. Reward her good behavior intermittently and unpredictably and she will never tire of working hard to please you.
Needless to say, huge failure. I was Mr. Predictable. She engineers this too by constantly asking me what I'm doing, what I've been doing, where I've been. I've stopped feeding her unnecessary information, but I still should work on making my answers to her questions more vague. I've also stopped telling her everything I'm going to do beforehand. I make a point of trying to not be home when she gets home. I try to come home at least 15 minutes later than I say I will. I stay out until she calls or texts asking where I'm at. Sometimes I answer, sometimes not.
As for rewarding and punishing, I never punished anything. I would whine meekly. I would over-reward for every little good thing she would do.
VII. Always keep two in the kitty
Never allow yourself to be a “kept man”. A man with options is a man without need. It builds confidence and encourages boldness with women if there is another woman, a safety net, to catch you in case you slip and risk a breakup, divorce, or a lost prospect, leading to loneliness and a grinding dry spell. A woman knows once she has slept with a man she has abdicated a measure of her power; when she has fallen in love with him she has surrendered nearly all of it. But love is ephemeral and with time she may rediscover her power and threaten to leave you. It is her final trump card. Withdrawing all her love and all her body in an instant will rend your soul if you are faced with contemplating the empty abyss alone. Knowing there is another you can turn to for affection will fortify your will and satisfy your manhood.
Early on during the attraction phase when we met, I was doing this. I had 4-5 in the kitty. I had an ex-girlfriend that still wanted me that I could have gone back to if I wanted, I had other solid prospects. When Ashley and I separated for a while it didn't take long before I was dating another girl, and I told Ashley about it. When we met I was very much the man with options.
Then I committed to her, and like I had been programmed, I did everything in my power to reassure her of my loyalty. I didn't talk to other girls, I barely even had friends. Even when Ashley was not around I would behave as though she could see everything I was doing and I would avoid talking to other girls.
Now I'm sustaining and working on enlarging my social circle. I flirt everyday. Ashley knows I have female friends and I don't hide that I sit next to them in class, go to lunch with them, get drinks with them, etc.
VIII. Say you’re sorry only when absolutely necessary
Do not say you’re sorry for every wrong thing you do. It is a posture of submission that no man should reflexively adopt, no matter how alpha he is. Apologizing increases the demand for more apologies. She will come to expect your contrition, like a cat expects its meal at a set time each day. And then your value will lower in her eyes. Instead, if you have done something wrong, you should acknowledge your guilt in a glancing way without resorting to the actual words “I’m sorry.” Pull the Bill Clinton maneuver and say “Mistakes were made” or tell her you “feel bad” about what you did. You are granted two freebie “I’m sorry”s for the life of your relationship; use them wisely.
Big fail. I used to be apologizing all the time. Every disagreement and fight would end with me apologizing for some ridiculous thing or another. Fights that would begin with me being mad at HER for some reason would end with me apologizing for something completely unrelated.
Now I don't apologize. Since learning game, I'm pretty sure I've not apologized for anything. She's tried to get me to apologize for things but I haven't. Unless I really fuck up, I'm never saying sorry.
IX. Connect with her emotions
Set yourself apart from other men and connect with a woman’s emotional landscape. Her mind is an alien world that requires deft navigation to reach your rendevous. Frolic in the surf of emotions rather than the arid desert of logic. Be playful. Employ all your senses. Describe in lush detail scenarios to set her heart afire. Give your feelings freedom to roam. ROAM. Yes, that is a good word. You’re not on a linear path with her. You are ROAMING all over, taking her on an adventure. In this world, there is no need to finish thoughts or draw conclusions. There is only need to EXPERIENCE. You’re grabbing her hand and running with her down an infinite, labyrinthine alleyway with no end, laughing and letting your fingers glide on the cobblestone walls along the way.
This is hard for me because most of the time I feel like Spock being forced to live among the humans. I am not a very emotional guy. I like short statements of fact. When I hear people talk about how they feel my brain turns off.
X. Ignore her beauty
The man who trains his mind to subdue the reward centers of his brain when reflecting upon a beautiful female face will magically transform his interactions with women. His apprehension and self-consciousness will melt away, paving the path for more honest and self-possessed interactions with the objects of his desire. This is one reason why the greatest lotharios drown in more love than they can handle — through positive experiences with so many beautiful women they lose their awe of beauty and, in turn, their powerlessness under its spell. It will help you acquire the right frame of mind to stop using the words hot, cute, gorgeous, or beautiful to describe girls who turn you on. Instead, say to yourself “she’s interesting” or “she might be worth getting to know”. Never compliment a girl on her looks, especially not a girl you aren’t fucking. Turn off that part of your brain that wants to put them on pedestals. Further advanced training to reach this state of unawed Zen transcendence is to sleep with many MANY attractive women (try to avoid sleeping with a lot of ugly women if you don’t want to regress). Soon, a Jedi lover you will be.
As mentioned above, I used to shower her with compliments about her looks. This did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to make her feel better about herself. My fiance is a good looking chick. When she dresses nice and makes herself up, she's very hot. But she constantly criticizes herself. No amount of compliments makes her feel better. Just makes me sound like an orbiter. Now I know the best way to compliment her is to try to look my personal best. She's unconsciously judging herself based on me. The hotter I am, the hotter she'll assume herself to be based on the fact that she's landed me. I don't give her any compliments about her appearance anymore. My cock getting hard is all the compliment she needs.
XI. Be irrationally self-confident
No matter what your station in life, stride through the world without apology or excuse. It does not matter if objectively you are not the best man a woman can get; what matters is that you think and act like you are. Women have a dog’s instinct for uncovering weakness in men; don’t make it easy for them. Self-confidence, warranted or not, triggers submissive emotional responses in women. Irrational self-confidence will get you more pussy than rational defeatism.
Once again I think I came off very confident when we met and when we first got together. Then after we moved in together I stupidly believe that I could tell her everything and that we were each others' confidants. I don't have specific memories of telling her about not feeling confident but I'm sure I probably shared all my fears and insecurities with her.
I don't vocally worry about the future to her anymore. I always act reassuring like I know everything will be just fine. I show no fear.
Now I try to act confident and sure of myself. And just as has been said, a couple days/weeks of acting confident will make you confident. It started as a pantomime, but today when I walk down the street I feel like a million bucks. I feel like I could punch a hole in this city with my bare fist, and then fuck that hole if I wanted.
XII. Maximize your strengths, minimize your weaknesses
In the betterment of ourselves as men we attract women into our orbit. To accomplish this gravitational pull as painlessly and efficiently as possible, you must identify your natural talents and shortcomings and parcel your efforts accordingly. If you are a gifted jokester, don’t waste time and energy trying to raise your status in philosophical debate. If you write well but dance poorly, don’t kill yourself trying to expand your manly influence on the dancefloor. Your goal should be to attract women effortlessly, so play to your strengths no matter what they are; there is a groupie for every male endeavor. Except World of Warcraft.
I'm definitely doing this in terms of my appearance. Everyone has always told me I've got great blue eyes. I used to cover them up by wearing glasses, but now every time I leave the house I am wearing my contacts. I'm lifting weights again to put some muscles on my slim frame. I used to be loved for being a funny guy but I feel like the time I spent being subservient to her I lost my ability to be funny around her. I'm working on teasing and making fun of her, and being funny in general around her. Recently I had a female classmate over at the apartment to work on a project together, and at one point I had both her and Ashley both bent over holding their sides laughing. SR boost.
XIII. Err on the side of too much boldness, rather than too little
Touching a woman inappropriately on the first date will get you further with her than not touching her at all. Don’t let a woman’s faux indignation at your boldness sway you; they secretly love it when a man aggressively pursues what he wants and makes his sexual intentions known. You don’t have to be an asshole, but if you have no choice, being an inconsiderate asshole beats being a polite beta, every time.
Even during the early attraction phase I can't really say that I was ever bold. Even then I didn't understand game, I was just very accidentally doing a few things right and it worked wonders. Now I'm taking daily steps at being bold and trying to eliminate hesitation. Instead of timidly asking for sex I initiate. If she says she's not in the mood I do my best to be unphased and I do something else.
XIV. Fuck her good
Fuck her like it’s your last fuck. And hers. Fuck her so good, so hard, so wantonly, so profligately that she is left a quivering, sparking mass of shaking flesh and sex fluids. Drain her of everything, then drain her some more. Kiss her all over, make love to her all night, and hold her close in the morning. Own her body, own her gratitude, own her love. If you don’t know how, learn to give her squirting orgasms.
This is hard to say. At first, we had a LOT of sex, and by both our accounts it was good. But I never tried doing anything rough. In fact, somehow, somewhere along the way I remember hearing about slow fucking. Like going really slow. It was supposed to be "intimate" and "sensual" and stuff and girls were supposed to like. I tried it several times much to my own and my fiance's boredom. I never got the hint that the opposite might be the way to go. So I've always fucked at a medium pace, always cautious not to hurt her. I never did any hair pulling, choking, etc. I did do some very light spanking in some positions, but I never explored really going at it. Now I'm upping the ante, and going a little rougher each time.
XV. Maintain your state control
You are an oak tree. You will not be manipulated by crying, yelling, lying, head games, sexual withdrawal, jealousy ploys, pity plays, shit tests, hot/cold/hot/cold, disappearing acts, or guilt trips. She will rain and thunder all around you and you will shelter her until her storm passes. She will not drag you into her chaos or uproot you. When you have mastery over yourself, you will have mastery over her.
She was the puppetmaster and could make me mad, sad, frustrated, confused, scared, apologetic, etc with the mildest tantrum. Now my MO is to always try to remain unphased. Not easy at all, but I'm doing my best, and it's getting easier with time.
XVI. Never be afraid to lose her
You must not fear. Fear is the love-killer. Fear is the ego-triumph that brings abject loneliness. You will face your fear. You will permit it to pass over and through you. And when your ego-fear is gone you will turn and face your lover, and only your heart will remain. You will walk away from her when she has violated your integrity, and you will let her walk when her heart is closed to you. She who can destroy you, controls you. Don’t give her that power over yourself. Love yourself before you love her.
Failed at this one. Basically after I proposed and we moved in together, I was in "do everything possible to keep her happy and make the relationship work at all cost" mode. it's a terrible mode to be in. Now I'm in "improve myself and be a more interesting/awesome/confident/in-shape/carefree guy" mode. I'm in self improvement mode. She's the one that will need to be worrying about not losing me. I've committed to her, but I want to become so attractive that she's got real fear. I want to make myself so good that I know losing her won't be the end of the world. I want to make myself so good that she starts chasing me. I will make myself fearless.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
My Harem
The other day I really knocked it out of the park. I went to an informal dinner thing with a bunch of students that I didn't know. I went with Leslie, Sally, and another female friend. Once we got there I left my three friends and jumped right into the group of people I didn't know. I ended up having the full attention of 4 girls and 1 guy who invited me to sit with them. I chatted them all up and was getting some nice IOIs from the chicks. Later on Leslie, having watched the whole thing, said she was impressed. Her exact words were "it looked like you had a harem" the way the girls were all looking like they were into me.
I wasn't even applying game in a self-conscious kind of way. I was just confident and outgoing. As I've mentioned before, I'm already a pretty decent looking guy, so now that I'm dressing well, grooming myself, and lifting some weights, all it seems to take to get some positive reactions is just be confident and outgoing. Now as you all know I'm not trying to fuck other people than my fiance so I didn't get any numbers or make out with any of them or anything, but just compare this situation to the old me, who would have just stayed with the people I already knew and not even tried to talk to strangers. The shy beta too scared to engage with new people is now capable of making new friends and sometimes even becoming the center of positive attention.
During my interaction with these girls I applied a technique that I also applied at a party with Sally. Anytime the guy in the group spoke to me, I gave him preference and would talk to him. Subtly treat all the women as being below you and the men. Don't worry, the girls will try to jump back in the conversation, and you can let them if they say something relevant or interesting at the right time. But at one point one of the girls (the 2nd best looking of the 4) tried to cut off the guy when he was talking to me, but I didn't even turn my head I stayed focused on him and listened to what he had to say. Don't trot out the old line "Shh, the men are talking." Just do it through your behavior. Any beta would be totally focused on the girls and would be overjoyed to be talking to them. Don't be like that. Once you've done something to get the girls at least a little interested in you, it pays to not show you're overly interested in them. I acted like I was just as interested in what the dude was saying, or more so, than what any of the girls were saying.
I wasn't even applying game in a self-conscious kind of way. I was just confident and outgoing. As I've mentioned before, I'm already a pretty decent looking guy, so now that I'm dressing well, grooming myself, and lifting some weights, all it seems to take to get some positive reactions is just be confident and outgoing. Now as you all know I'm not trying to fuck other people than my fiance so I didn't get any numbers or make out with any of them or anything, but just compare this situation to the old me, who would have just stayed with the people I already knew and not even tried to talk to strangers. The shy beta too scared to engage with new people is now capable of making new friends and sometimes even becoming the center of positive attention.
During my interaction with these girls I applied a technique that I also applied at a party with Sally. Anytime the guy in the group spoke to me, I gave him preference and would talk to him. Subtly treat all the women as being below you and the men. Don't worry, the girls will try to jump back in the conversation, and you can let them if they say something relevant or interesting at the right time. But at one point one of the girls (the 2nd best looking of the 4) tried to cut off the guy when he was talking to me, but I didn't even turn my head I stayed focused on him and listened to what he had to say. Don't trot out the old line "Shh, the men are talking." Just do it through your behavior. Any beta would be totally focused on the girls and would be overjoyed to be talking to them. Don't be like that. Once you've done something to get the girls at least a little interested in you, it pays to not show you're overly interested in them. I acted like I was just as interested in what the dude was saying, or more so, than what any of the girls were saying.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Seeing the Ugly Truth
Frequently when you learn new information, your intellectual understanding takes a while to really sink in deep and effect your actions and effect how you see the world. For me it's starting to sink in. The things I've been reading for the last few months are becoming fully assimilated. For instance, women's declining SMV. I've begun to see the ugly truth all around me. Comparing their looks today to facebook photos from just a few years ago, I've begun to see that many of my female friends and classmates are already past their prime. And this is also when it hit me in a real and personal way just how unfair feminism is to women. Here these girls are working on master's degrees, putting off marriage and children. By the time they get around to wanting to get married they won't get the best husband they could have had if they had married young when they were in their prime and at the height of their beauty. To maximize male and female happiness I think society had it right before. These girls, at or around 18 years of age, at the height of their beauty, should have married men 10 or so years older, who have sown their wild oats, established a career, and who were ready to settle down.
Instead, these girls are working on degrees and when they get into their thirties and start excreting their offspring, their bodies won't spring back into shape like a younger woman's. I've got one female classmate that has a 4 year old kid. You can't tell from looking at her that she's had a kid. Her body went right back to its youthful form. Older women are destroyed by pregnancy.
Two examples of girls already past their prime are Theresa and Sally. Both are decent looking girls right now. But I'm honestly shocked when I see how they looked just a few years ago. Both were stunning in their photos from 4 years ago when they were 18 years old. I spent a good long time looking at a picture of Theresa when she was 18. She was extremely beautiful. Her blond curly hair framing her youthful face, clear clean blemish-free skin, full pouty lips, big bright blue eyes. Now at 22/23, she still looks good, but 4 years of aging, college partying and stress over schoolwork has taken a visible toll. It's difficult for me to wrap my head around it. At 22/23 years old these girls are already headed downhill. After comparing the 18 year old Theresa to the Theresa of today, I honestly lost all interest in her. I feel pity for her. It's hard for me to talk to her without the image of her 4 years ago in my head. I wonder to myself if she realizes it too. Certainly she must. Yet she's talking about doing a doctorate after she finishes her masters. By the time she's ready to settle down the guys that will be interested in her...well...they won't be the level she's accustomed to playing with now and a few years ago.
On the Other Hand,
I'm 26, and personally I think I've never looked better. If I keep working out and dressing well I have every reason to think I'll keep looking better and better every year. I'll probably peak around 35 or 40. A fit, well-dressed, experienced, confident man with game could definitely pull girls much younger.
Back in the day I used to feel so powerless about women. Me and my beta friends were constantly lamenting the absence of women in our lives. Women and our inability to "win" their attention was the main topic of our conversations. Walking around today, I feel like the power has shifted and is now in my hands. These beautiful girls in my midst are just so many rapidly wilting flowers. I, on the other hand, appreciate as I gain experience, perspective, technique, and wealth. The long term advantage has always been with me, I was just too brainwashed to see it. And through perfecting my game, I even hold the short-term advantage.
There's reason to rejoice. Instead of complaining about the ravages that feminism has wrought, take heart in knowing that once you dismiss from your mind the feminist myth, and start to see the world clearly, the advantage is with us, the men. Take care of yourself, stand up for yourself, and victory will be yours. The ugly truth is only ugly for women.
Instead, these girls are working on degrees and when they get into their thirties and start excreting their offspring, their bodies won't spring back into shape like a younger woman's. I've got one female classmate that has a 4 year old kid. You can't tell from looking at her that she's had a kid. Her body went right back to its youthful form. Older women are destroyed by pregnancy.
Two examples of girls already past their prime are Theresa and Sally. Both are decent looking girls right now. But I'm honestly shocked when I see how they looked just a few years ago. Both were stunning in their photos from 4 years ago when they were 18 years old. I spent a good long time looking at a picture of Theresa when she was 18. She was extremely beautiful. Her blond curly hair framing her youthful face, clear clean blemish-free skin, full pouty lips, big bright blue eyes. Now at 22/23, she still looks good, but 4 years of aging, college partying and stress over schoolwork has taken a visible toll. It's difficult for me to wrap my head around it. At 22/23 years old these girls are already headed downhill. After comparing the 18 year old Theresa to the Theresa of today, I honestly lost all interest in her. I feel pity for her. It's hard for me to talk to her without the image of her 4 years ago in my head. I wonder to myself if she realizes it too. Certainly she must. Yet she's talking about doing a doctorate after she finishes her masters. By the time she's ready to settle down the guys that will be interested in her...well...they won't be the level she's accustomed to playing with now and a few years ago.
On the Other Hand,
I'm 26, and personally I think I've never looked better. If I keep working out and dressing well I have every reason to think I'll keep looking better and better every year. I'll probably peak around 35 or 40. A fit, well-dressed, experienced, confident man with game could definitely pull girls much younger.
Back in the day I used to feel so powerless about women. Me and my beta friends were constantly lamenting the absence of women in our lives. Women and our inability to "win" their attention was the main topic of our conversations. Walking around today, I feel like the power has shifted and is now in my hands. These beautiful girls in my midst are just so many rapidly wilting flowers. I, on the other hand, appreciate as I gain experience, perspective, technique, and wealth. The long term advantage has always been with me, I was just too brainwashed to see it. And through perfecting my game, I even hold the short-term advantage.
There's reason to rejoice. Instead of complaining about the ravages that feminism has wrought, take heart in knowing that once you dismiss from your mind the feminist myth, and start to see the world clearly, the advantage is with us, the men. Take care of yourself, stand up for yourself, and victory will be yours. The ugly truth is only ugly for women.
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