Porn, Masturbation, and Delayed Ejaculation

On January 1st, 2012 I stole away from a meal with family and masturbated to porn videos on the internet. Afterwards I returned to my family for the rest of the evening.  But before going to sleep, I had another wack-off session, once again stimulated by internet pornography. A week before this I had received a very unenthusiastic blowjob from Ashley. Before that, I don't remember the last time we had had sex. Probably wasn't in December. Mostly likely some time in November.

I felt like shit. I was sick of porn and sick of jacking off. I wanted to have sex with Ashley, but I had become tired of initiating sex only to be told she wasn't in the mood. Porn and masturbation had become my primary source of sexual stimulation. Ashley had become secondary. Sex with Ashley was a roughly once-monthly break in the monotony of porn and masturbation (p&m).

P&M was roughly a once-a-day event for me basically since my family got a PC and an internet connection. I must have been around 17 or 18. Before that I had a couple pornographic magazines stashed away. But, as is becoming abundantly clear, internet porn, sometimes in HD, ever available, with endless variety, is a whole other monster.

One of the fears me and my virgin friends used to joke about in high school was premature ejaculation. No one wanted to be a "minuteman." No one wanted to have a girl go tell people that we couldn't please her. Once I finally lost my virginity, however, I felt a great deal of relief that I did not have that problem. I could last a long time. I took some pride in the fact. Although now I realize it's no real accomplishment. It's not that I can resist cumming too soon, it's that it takes me a long time to be able to orgasm.

To orgasm via vaginal sex I have to strain and do it in certain positions. To orgasm from oral sex the girl has to really have some good jaw stamina and excellent technique, otherwise I just can't cum. Many times I've resorted to fantasizing, or calling to memory scenes from pornography to help myself reach orgasm during vaginal sex or oral sex. My difficulty reaching orgasm is no cause of pride. I can't brag that I "can go all night." It prevents me from being able to have "quickies." I think it's made Ashley less enthusiastic because once we start it's going to be a while.

I'm convinced that my "stamina" is really "delayed ejaculation," the result of excess porn and masturbation. A symptom of over stimulation by pornography, and desensitization of the penis from frequent masturbation. It negatively impacts my sex life.

On January 1st, I made several New Years Resolutions. I resolved to get back in shape. I resolved to quit drinking for at least a month. I resolved to quit masturbating and quit looking at pornography. I resolved to make a determined effort to improve my sex life with Ashley. The resulting google searches are what led me to find MMSL, and subsequently all the other blogs you see linked to on the right.

In January and February I only masturbated a handful (lol) of times. March was very successful. If memory serves I only masturbated twice the whole month, and only once to porn. April and the beginning of May have seen me backslide. Stress from school and other things are mostly to blame. I've masturbated 5 or more times per week, with lots of porn viewing as well. During this same time period, I've also been drinking more than I should. Nothing too excessive, somewhere 1 and 3 drinks a day. I don't usually get drunk. But I've noticed consistent drinking has a cumulative effect of depressing me.

When I was masturbating and looking at pornography the least, I was feeling the best. I felt really great. I was also writing a lot more on this blog. You can see from the archives that April saw a big drop off in the number of posts written. You write more often when you're not stroking it. My writing on the blog also decreased because I was busier with school work too.

Sex with Ashley also correlated with my p&m habit. When p&m was at its lowest, sex with Ashley was at its highest and most pleasurable. Since I picked up the p&m again in April, sex with Ashley took a bit of a nosedive. I just don't try to initiate sex with Ashley if I've already had an orgasm or two that same day.

Every aspect of my life improves when I cut out the p&m. I'd even say it's a greater detriment to my life than alcohol ever has been. P&m is as bad as any drug. It saps you. And the worse part is that it's free and available in unlimited quantities at every moment. But quitting is possible. I did it. Others have. You just have to realize the benefits that will accrue to you for having given it up and occupy your time with other things.

I hereby recommit to abstaining from porn and masturbation. And I will cut back on alcohol again.

Further resources on the negative effects of pornography and how to quit:


A program to help you quit porn.

http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=vTD_itXrR6E