The other day I went to the library to do some school work and I happen to run across two female classmates. One of them is "Sally" mentioned in a previous post, and the other we'll call Theresa. I sit down with them and we talk a little bit before each of us began focusing on their own work. At one point I am tearing old pages out of my planner, which has a leather outer cover and looks kind of nice and official. I tear the pages out and crumple them up and just toss the crumpled-up balls onto the table.
Sally says "Oh, that's very professional." I mistakenly think that she's sarcastically criticizing me for crumpling up the paper and tossing it on the table. I look at her and say "Shut up." Cue a shocked but queerly delighted look on her face, and an even more thrilled and delighted look on Theresa's face. Theresa was smiling ear to freaking ear. Sally asked why I said that when she was just complimenting me for my professional-looking planner. I say, "Oh I thought you were giving me crap about crumpling up the paper and tossing it on the table." Note: I did not apologize for saying "Shut up," but I did explain why I had said that. Then I said thanks for the compliment about my planner. Then moved on to another subject.
The looks on both girls' faces after I told one of them to shut up is now pleasantly burned into my mind. I would not likely have said something like that a few months ago. Now it was automatic, and the reward was immediate. They loved it. There's no misinterpreting the almost ecstatic delight on their faces when they realized they were in the presence of a man that isn't going to take any crap, even sarcastic criticism, even though that's not what she meant. Even though I had misunderstood what she was trying to say, it was nonetheless a DHV.
A couple days after this incident, I had the opportunity to use "Shut up" game again. I was in class, sitting next to another girl. I don't think I've mentioned her yet on the blog, so I'll call her Beth. As I said before, since I learned about game I've started experimenting and I am running it on everyone, my fiance, my classmates, strangers, everyone, just to see the reactions. It seems to be working on Beth pretty well. Sitting next to her in class, she passes me a note asking if I dumped a whole bucket of gel in my hair that morning. I'll admit here that I had put too much. I'm still new to doing my hair this way. There were probably better, wittier, smarter things to say in response to what she said, but when I couldn't think of anything, I just responded to her note by writing "you need to shut up." When I passed the note to her she smiled and did a head tilt, then did a playful fake-acting-offended face. Throughout the rest of the class period I caught her looking at me a few times. It's insane, this stuff actually works.
To be sure, it's going to matter why and how you say "shut up," but showing that you can and will stand up for yourself is always going to be a DHV and should have a positive result. Beware though, I've noted that "shut up" game doesn't work nearly as well on my fiance. Perhaps I need to work on how I say it with her. What is effectively the same and seems to work better though, when she's saying something I don't like, is simply to cut her off and start speaking myself. She reacts negatively to shut up, but when I cut her off and interrupt her, so far she drops whatever she was saying and goes along with the new frame I've set up.
Sally says "Oh, that's very professional." I mistakenly think that she's sarcastically criticizing me for crumpling up the paper and tossing it on the table. I look at her and say "Shut up." Cue a shocked but queerly delighted look on her face, and an even more thrilled and delighted look on Theresa's face. Theresa was smiling ear to freaking ear. Sally asked why I said that when she was just complimenting me for my professional-looking planner. I say, "Oh I thought you were giving me crap about crumpling up the paper and tossing it on the table." Note: I did not apologize for saying "Shut up," but I did explain why I had said that. Then I said thanks for the compliment about my planner. Then moved on to another subject.
The looks on both girls' faces after I told one of them to shut up is now pleasantly burned into my mind. I would not likely have said something like that a few months ago. Now it was automatic, and the reward was immediate. They loved it. There's no misinterpreting the almost ecstatic delight on their faces when they realized they were in the presence of a man that isn't going to take any crap, even sarcastic criticism, even though that's not what she meant. Even though I had misunderstood what she was trying to say, it was nonetheless a DHV.
A couple days after this incident, I had the opportunity to use "Shut up" game again. I was in class, sitting next to another girl. I don't think I've mentioned her yet on the blog, so I'll call her Beth. As I said before, since I learned about game I've started experimenting and I am running it on everyone, my fiance, my classmates, strangers, everyone, just to see the reactions. It seems to be working on Beth pretty well. Sitting next to her in class, she passes me a note asking if I dumped a whole bucket of gel in my hair that morning. I'll admit here that I had put too much. I'm still new to doing my hair this way. There were probably better, wittier, smarter things to say in response to what she said, but when I couldn't think of anything, I just responded to her note by writing "you need to shut up." When I passed the note to her she smiled and did a head tilt, then did a playful fake-acting-offended face. Throughout the rest of the class period I caught her looking at me a few times. It's insane, this stuff actually works.
To be sure, it's going to matter why and how you say "shut up," but showing that you can and will stand up for yourself is always going to be a DHV and should have a positive result. Beware though, I've noted that "shut up" game doesn't work nearly as well on my fiance. Perhaps I need to work on how I say it with her. What is effectively the same and seems to work better though, when she's saying something I don't like, is simply to cut her off and start speaking myself. She reacts negatively to shut up, but when I cut her off and interrupt her, so far she drops whatever she was saying and goes along with the new frame I've set up.
I once read in a women's magazine that you could tell you loved a man if him telling you to shut up turned you on. I think it was an old copy of the Australian girl's magazine "Dolly".
ReplyDeleteOzGirlie
http://badexample2.blogspot.com/2012/01/personal-preference.html
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I'll mention that I've been married 13 years, just started gaming my wife about a year ago, and am still discovering new things in the process. I know what you're going through.
I'm just glad to know I'm not the only one.