I believe that make-up sex is a real thing, but I'm just taking other people's word on it. I've never experienced it.
I think if you're a beta that loses the fight by giving in to whatever your girlfriend demands, you don't have make-up sex. This was me until very recently, but...
I've had a few fights recently with Ashley, and I've stood my ground, held onto my integrity and self-respect, but still no make-up sex. Next time Ashley and I fight, how should I go about the fight in order to get her panties wet? There's been some different discussions on how alphas fight. Some suggest the silent treatment, some say that yelling is beta since it shows that the women can manipulate your emotional state. Yet it seems like I've known plenty of guys that get into huge yelling fights with their girlfriends, and they report excellent make-up sex afterwards. I know women LOVE drama. Maybe if I let myself get riled up and yell and holler a bit that would satisfy her need for that. I'm typically extremely calm and unflappable. This is generally a good thing, but I suppose it could be frustrating for Ashley if she never sees any reaction or emotion from me. It also has seemed as though she sometimes interprets my calmness as timidity and weakness. So part of me thinks I should try going off on her next time we're fighting.
I've tried some different fighting strategies and I've never had the passionate hot make-up sex. Just kind of like 'huh, I guess we're done fighting now. Let's go back to normal routine.'
I am genuinely seeking advice here, so please leave comments with your personal experiences.
Make-up sex comes about because the woman is turned on by the man being able to handle her even when she is shrieking like a banshee with PMT.
ReplyDeleteA bit of yelling from the man is good, but he shouldn't bicker and argue too much once he has made his points. Tell her your view clearly, once. Be firm and logical. Don't rant and froth.
The guy displays his superiority.
When I calm down, I think, what a man to handle all that crap. And it turns me on.
OzGirlie
Thanks for your comments! I'll will follow this advice next time her misbehavior calls for it.
DeleteAfter a fight do you typically go to him because you get all turned on or does he usually initiate?
I'll tell you the story. I wanted to go on a long road trip. He agreed, provided I left my panties at home. I suppose I was annoyed at the embarrassing requirement and after a while on the road, I started to rag on him majorly.
DeleteHe just took this crap in his stride. Eventually I calmed down and I felt turned on by the way he had resisted by shrieking tantrumy behaviour.
I suggested we stop somewhere for him to spank me for my bad behaviour. We did and he ended up fucking me hard in a quiet corner of a field. He tried to do me from behind, but it was too tricky, so I had to lie down on the grass and get screwed like that. It was a bit humiliating but I enjoyed it and I deserved it.
OzGirlie
First you must set up a dynamic that you have sex whenever you want. Then, should you fight, you merely need to hold onto your frame of not apologizing unless you are wrong. Women will mercilessly shit test you and goad you into apologizing when it was HER fault.
ReplyDeleteMake up sex is then her making it up to you, when you deem it acceptable.
You're absolutely right about the goading into apologizing even when it's her fault. We used to have fights that would follow this pattern: she would do something ridiculous, I would call her on it, she would get upset about being called out, she would turn things around until I would finally apologize for saying I had a problem in the first place. Obviously, I won't be letting things go this way anymore.
DeleteDon't apologise. We don't really want that. The only time to apologise is if you have done something really bad, like break a 10,000 dollar vase or something.
DeleteOzGirlie
What OffTheCuff said.
ReplyDeletePlus how are the fights ending? if she's not all turned on when the fight ends, it's probably because she "won", which renders you unworthy of sex.
If the drama is unreasonable dont try to make her reason it. Bounce her back.
The most recent fight when I gave her the silent treatment, I left the apartment and didn't come back until night. When I came back she didn't apologize yet (I had told her I wasn't talking to her until she apologized for acting crazy), so I went to bed in the bed and she actually went to bed on the couch. The next morning she came and crawled into bed with me and apologized. But she still tried to turn it around to get me to apologize too, even though I had done nothing wrong. I didn't. A little after that, after breakfast and taking a shower I tried to initiate sex, which she denied.
DeleteExactly - it's not so much what you do or say during the fight, it's how you end it. If it ends with her submitting to your frame, it's a fairly short line to draw from there to sex.
DeleteGood that she slept on the couch.
DeleteOzGirlie
Dude, when a woman denies you sex you deny her the privilege of ever being with you again.
DeleteI should specify on the yelling: When a beta yells it's to create a lot of commotion and try and reassert authority - there is no real emotion behind it other than maybe he wants to cry, and you can feel that (if that makes sense).
ReplyDeleteSure, if you're angry, you can yell and display that anger and you're actually doing something. But if you're just really sad/upset and think yelling will help, it wont.
As for the silent treatment: When at a loss for what to do, silence wont kill you.
Also, thanks for the link.
Thanks. I think the silent treatment + leaving for several hours worked better than what I used to do. It did get her to apologize, and overall I'd count it as a 'win' or whatever, but she wasn't turned on by it necessarily.
DeleteYelling is good if it is righteous controlled anger. Just don't sound like it is a fear reaction. You should treat her like an inferior. Superiors don't bicker with underlings.
ReplyDeleteOzGirlie
Thanks, this sounds like a good clarification as well.
DeleteThe "make-up" sex will come after you have established a more Alpha frame for a longer period of time. It really should be called "oops, I got overly emotional, and now I dread that I might lose my Alpha man, so I better fuck him senseless right now" sex. It comes from a place of dread competition anxiety, and right now she's not afraid to lose you - yet.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Don't get married until you've spent at least 5-10 years playing the field with your newfound knowledge of Game. I'm serious. Get out now while you still can.
Thanks for your comment. I fully anticipated similar advice when I started the blog, and ultimately if things don't ever improve I won't just stay around forever. Nonetheless, I want to stay because when I make a list of things I would want in a wife, my fiance has all these things. The only problem with the relationship is the lack of sex, and it's my fault. I became 100% beta when we moved in together. So I'm doing everything I can to address my lack of alpha traits. I've already seen progress but it's just not as fast as I'd like.
DeleteI decided to get married when I was about your age, and we are still together after nearly 20 years. But here's the deal - YOU will change a LOT in the next 10 years. So will she, of course. In the same way I wouldn't recommend that a 10-year-old lock down career and college decisions (we don't need *that* many astronauts or firemen or ninjas) I wouldn't recommend that a 20-something man get married.
DeletePlus, it it much harder to claw your way from beta back to Alpha, than to maintain a more Alpha frame from the beginning of a relationship.
At the very least, stay engaged but not married for the next few years. If you two are still together in 2015 and you've re-established a more Alpha frame with her and the sex is back the way you want it, then consider marriage. If you two are going to work out long-term, then you lose *nothing* by waiting a few years. If she pressures you to marry sooner, then it means (possibly unconsciously) that she wants to lock you down ASAP so that she can *stop* giving a crap.
I agree with anon @ Mar 11, you're not Alpha enough yet plus a woman isn't stupid she knows your past. My current is so much a beta and it turns me off totally and he responds by being nicer... I just want him to stand up to me but it's been bred out of him by popular society rules
ReplyDeleteWow... you *fight* with your girl?
ReplyDeleteThat means she can piss you off.
I used to have the same problem. She'd get pissed, I'd apologize.
Now, when she complains about something I've done, I try to envision her as a behaving like a bratty 6-year-old girl, like a little sister or niece.
And I laugh at her. Out loud. With feeling.
And sometimes when I'm done laughing, I'll hug her and tell her "it's so cute when you think you're in charge."
That should be your attitude. When she criticizes you, she's just a kid being a brat. And she's not "mean" or "angry", she's just a little girl playing some crazy game where she pretends she has authority over you.
It's just cute & funny, like a kitten being oh-so-serious in attacking a ball of string.
One of my first game successes on my wife was to make her feel so guilty about the way she was treating me that she started crying. Then I just started laughing at her because her nose was running from crying, and she made all these funny snuffling sounds.
Never get mad. Don't take the girl seriously. Don't try to discuss contentious personal issues using logic and intelligent arguments. Just laugh at her.
It's proof that your frame, your attitude, your life-perspective do NOT depend on her mood. Ever.
You're right. This has been one of the hardest bits of advice to actually apply. Unfortunately Ashely is pretty skilled at pissing me off. I'm working on it.
DeleteI've actually applied the right technique a few times in the past and had great success. Once her parents came to eat dinner at our apartment and Ashley started acting like a bitch. I didn't get upset I just started making fun of her. Her mom, her dad, and myself all started laughing in her face. After a moment she cracked and started laughing too and suddenly became quite pleasant to be around again.
I'll keep working on keeping my frame and state control.
PS I was scared to death the first time I tried it, because my wife is a lot more rational, logical and intelligent than most women. Figured there was not way she'd fall for some douchey, playa move like that.
ReplyDeleteBut yeah, it works just like all the PUA guys said it would.
Some days I still can barely believe it.