From Boyfriend to Beta Orbiter

My relationships with women have followed two patterns. First, there's the girls that I liked, but they never liked me back, because I was a beta from the very beginning. Second, the girls I liked, got into a relationship with them, then turned them off/disgusted them by a total lack of alpha traits.

The reason I was able to get into a relationship with girls is because sometimes in my life I uncharacteristically exhibited some alpha traits, totally by accident. Of course, once I got into a relationship with the girl, I tried to do everything I possibly could to try to please them. I would become attention and approval seeking, supplicating, spineless, no-initiative, beta loser. This applies just as well to my current relationship with my fiance. I'll explain in another post how when I met my fiance, I was very "accidentally" alpha. But this post I'll explain what happened to me in high school.

The story actually begins in middle school. There's a girl in my class named Claire (name is changed). Now, I don't even really have any memories of her from middle school. I didn't know she existed, despite the fact that we were in the same grade, and had some classes together. Clearly, she wasn't attractive enough at this time to get noticed by me. She, on the other hand, has very vivid memories of me from this time. She apparently sat a few desks ahead of me in some classes, and would spend the class period listening to me and my friends talk. I remember this class. I sat by 3 or 4 of my best friends. We would talk and joke around all the time. So, while being totally unaware that Claire was listening, I was displaying social proof, a sense of humor, likability, wit, and higher value than her, since I didn't even notice her existence.

Fast forward to high school, and basically the same situation is taking place. We've got some classes together, I talk and joke and laugh with my friends, mostly oblivious to her, although now I do know that she exists. I talk to her. I'm not particularly attracted to her in the beginning. I wasn't trying to get her. She developed a big crush on me. A mutual friend tells me that Claire likes me. I don't know what to do at first. I didn't have a girlfriend, although wanted one. I felt lonely. I didn't want to pass up the opportunity to have someone and being in a relationship. So basically I end up and settled for a girl of a lower sex rank than me. Which could be great, because it would have meant that at least in the beginning, she would be very into me. But, I blew it.

I had zero experience with girls. I had never kissed a girl. They made me extremely nervous. I started "going out" with Claire. This meant going on little high school dates. We went to the zoo. We watched a movie at her house. We just hung out together. I was way too nervous to make any move whatsoever. Even though I knew that she liked me, I was way too scared to kiss her. My mom had pounded into my brain all this stuff about how "no means no" and if a girl ever says "no" to something I should stop immediately. I got it in my head that a "no" meant I had already done wrong. So I didn't want to do anything and risk hearing a "no" because I thought that meant that I had done some terrible thing. Of course, now I know, if you don't make a move, you lose. It's true that you should stop at "no," but hearing "no" doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. Sometimes it will be yes, sometimes it will be no, but you always have to try.

So we date like this for a little over a month. I'm Mr. Nice. I'm Mr. Romantic. I'm Mr. Communication. I'm Mr. Let's do whatever you want to do.  I never kiss her. You know what happens next. She breaks up with me. Says she just sees me as a friend now. I was heartbroken. During the short time we were dating I went from being indifferent towards her to really really liking her a lot. I had fallen in love, despite the lack of physical intimacy, whereas the lack of me making it physical made her view me as nothing more than a friend. It's basically the opposite of what you're always told your whole life. We're told that women need to be in love to want to be physical, and that men need the physical intimacy, regardless of love. What we're always told is bullshit.

After she broke up with me, we resolved to remain friends. What really happened though, was that I continued to be in love with her, and so I became a hopeless beta orbiter to this girl for years. We talked all the time online. She was my drug. A part of me always thought that if I was nice enough, considerate enough, funny enough, honest enough, caring enough, she would change her mind. She never did. No surprise now. The principles of game make every aspect of this story easy to predict and understand. She started dating someone she viewed as a higher sex rank, but then that guy turned out to be utterly lacking all alpha qualities. Huge Turn Off. Deported into the friend/ beta orbiter zone.