When you're with a woman, you should be doing a shared activity. Otherwise, get away from her. I have failed at this miserably. The last three years my fiance and I have lived together. The first year I worked part time and she was a student. So we were both around the apartment a lot. Not doing stuff together necessarily, both just there. The second year we were both students. Once again, despite being busy with schoolwork, (we're doing master's degrees, she has finished, I'm still going), we're nonetheless both home a lot. Not doing things together, we're both just there. The third year of living together, which is the present situation, she's finished school, but not found full time work. She'll work full time for a few weeks, then not have work, then work part time for a month, etc. I'm still a student. I'm very busy, but I'm at the apartment, a lot. I don't want to think about the number of hours me and my fiance have spent both just being around each other. Not interacting, not talking, not doing anything together, but being around. I think this is one of the things that killed the attraction.
I've been trying to change. Now, instead of studying at home, I go to the library. I don't like spending money unnecessarily, but instead of drinking a coffee at home, I should try to go out more. Get out of the apartment. How can someone be attracted to the lump that's constantly there? Is a man sexy if you know where he is 99% of the time, and you know that he's just right there in the apartment, 75% of the time? Even if I'm studying at the library, that can still create at some level of her brain a little tinge of dread, like Roissy talks about. Because, hey, there are other girls at the library. Sometimes I'll talk to them. Sometimes I'll run into acquaintances and then when I go back home I can mention it innocently to her. I feel so bad when I think back at the thousands of hours that I've just lingered around the apartment. Even when I have nothing to do, I'm going to try to go do nothing somewhere else.
When you're just lingering around, you become a prime target for nagging. You become a prime target for all those probing questions that will allow her to discover that you're not in charge, that you don't have a plan, that you're just drifting along. I hate it when Ashley asks me what I'm planning on doing. Because 99% of the time I've got no plan. I like to go with the flow. But when she starts asking, she starts taking control. If I don't have a plan, she'll start making a plan for me.
But now I've got a plan. My plan is to try to never just be around. Make the time with your girl meaningful. If you're both just around you might as well be in a retirement home waiting to die. Do something together or go away. Get out of the apartment. Don't be around.